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Simple
Suggestions for Improving Your Life And Then Some
by
Richard L. Weaver II, PhD
Based on the teaching I have done,
advice I have given, essays and books I have written, and thinking I have
engaged in, I want to answer the question: what are the areas most essential
for improving your life? Let’s say that I’m in charge, and like a personal
trainer, I have been given the full responsibility for improving your life
right now — what would I do?
Two caveats are in order. First, remember that I don’t know you. I was
recently talking to a friend of mine, and I leveled an attack against
organized religion. He took it personally, and I had to explain that it
wasn’t an attack against him or his religion in particular. (I have a strong
aversion to authoritarian religions designed, through their authority, to
restrict individual freedom, subordinate those rights to the interests of
the church, and punish infractions.) Second, accept these suggestions as
generic. That is, they are designed to have general application and, thus,
are abstract not concrete.
First, manage your stress. Stress often is revealed through exhaustion, loss
of/increased appetite, headaches, crying, sleeplessness, and oversleeping.
People escape it through alcohol, drugs, or other compulsive behavior.
Feelings of alarm, frustration, or apathy may accompany stress. Start with
the realization that you are the one upsetting yourself. Because stress has
a direct effect on your decision making, however, strive to get it under
control at once by getting enough sleep, exercise, and nutritional food.
Remove yourself from the stressful situation if possible, stop sweating the
small stuff, change the way you react, avoid extreme reactions, avoid
self-medication, stop overwhelming yourself, learn how to relax, change the
way you see things, and do something for others.
Second, take better care of yourself. You and you alone are responsible for
managing your health. How do you do it? You need to do four things: become
as knowledgeable as possible about your health conditions; take good care of
yourself; make the most of your encounters with your doctor; and keep
careful records.
Third, take care of your relationships. Whether your relationships are with
your supervisor, manager, customer or coworker, spouse, partner, friend, or
family member, you want to make them positive, supportive, clear, and
empowering. The best method is to be honest and committed. If you
communicate and reflect maturity and wisdom about yourself, you are more
likely to be accepted and respected. The degree that you love, accept, and
respect yourself is exactly the degree you can feel these qualities for
anyone else. Efforts toward establishing healthy relationships require
consistency, and you must make them a priority in your life. It is through
self-effort that you will achieve your goals of acceptance, respect, and
love.
Fourth, improve your communication skills. Your key to good communication is
listening well. Listen without judgment. Listen with the willingness to be
swayed to the other person's opinion. At least stay open to the option.
Listen without thinking about what you will say next. Take time before you
respond. Stop being invested in being right. Being right is not the point.
If you must be right, you are not able to listen nor communicate because you
have set up a barrier already. If you are always right that means the other
person is always wrong. That cannot be true.
Other suggestions for improving your communication skills include: If your
mind wanders, ask for repetition. Stay focused. In all cases repeat back
what you heard and ask if it is correct. Listen to yourself. Find quiet
moments and pay attention to what you are hearing from yourself. Does your
body tighten up about certain issues. Body language is not something to read
only in other people. Say it honestly, but with consideration for the
listener's feelings. Be polite, respectful, and sincere. Understand and
acknowledge that most things are not black or white but somewhere in a gray
area. Get comfortable with gray. Finally, have integrity and build trust.
Don't say what you don't mean, and don't promise what you won't or can't
fulfill. Follow through with any commitments you make.
Fifth, do not dwell on negativity in your life. You need to be careful with
whom you spend time and whom you allow to give you advice. Are they people
who are moving onward and upward, or are they wallowing in negativity,
self-pity, and mediocrity — going nowhere fast? Are their words inspiring
you to become the person you were intended to be, or are they deflating and
distracting you? Whatever direction your friends are heading, they will have
a major influence on your future ... if you allow it. If you are determined
to overcome your negativity and fulfil your destiny you cannot afford to be
held back by such relationships.
Negativity and anxiety work closely together. Anxious or depressed people
cannot see straight. Their perspective on life is blown out of proportion.
Small things seem huge, and molehills turn into insurmountable mountains. If
you are looking at the world with cynicism and bitterness, your perspective
of your life will become magnified and distorted in a destructive way.
There are four things you can do to deal with negativity. First, practice
catching yourself each time you become aware of being negative. Second,
learn to recognize negativity, then stop it. This gives you control over
your thought patterns and ultimately your life. Third, remind yourself how
your negativity damages important relationships. Nobody wants to be around
someone who is guaranteed to bring them down. Don't let yourself be that
person. Fourth, Look for the good in everything. There are few incidences in
life that do not have a positive flip-side, no matter how dire the
circumstances. Make it a habit to look for that silver lining.
These are simple suggestions for improving your life And Then Some; there
are many others, of course. My feeling has always been that there is no end
to the things that can be done to improve lives if people are aware,
sensitive, alert, and open. Taking responsibility for making the changes
needed is the tough part.
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> Simple Suggestions for Improving Your Life
And Then Some
