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Mindfulness is a way of seeing things as they really are And Then Some
by Richard L. Weaver II, PhD
I’ve never given it a great deal of
consideration because it happens often when I am writing. I have selected a
topic; I have researched it; and now I am putting ideas into words. It is a
moment when I am aware of and paying attention to that point in time in
which I find myself. My past is gone, my future is not yet here, and I exist
between them in the present moment. What is rewarding, of course, is that I
have made a choice to be in the moment and be aware of what is happening
right now — I am observing myself having thoughts. This process of paying
attention to the here and now — observing my thoughts without being critical
or judgmental — is what many people call mindfulness.
Mindfulness, of course, is not constrained to formal sessions where I
actually plan ahead for it to occur nor is it relegated to meditation
sessions. It is an activity that can be done at any time because all that is
required is bringing the mind to focus on what is happening in the present
moment.
Mindfulness plays a central role in Buddhism being the seventh element of
the Noble Eightfold Path, the sadhana (means of accomplishing) of which is
held in the tradition to engender insight and wisdom. It is in that spirit,
but not tied to religion in any way, that I selected mindfulness as a topic
for this essay because anything designed to engender insight and wisdom
should be pursued with vigor, vigilance, and a sense of “how can I achieve
that?”
According to Thich Nhat Hanh at the Mindfulness Bell (A Journal of the Art
of Mindful Living) (http://www.mindfulnessbell.org/14trainings.htm) there
are fourteen mindfulness trainings which I have not only condensed here but
altered so that they have no religious connection nor necessity. They are
important to, but not totally necessary in, attaining states of mindfulness.
The first mindfulness training is openness. It will help you look deeply and
develop understanding and compassion if you approach life unbound by any
doctrine, theory, or ideology.
The second mindfulness training is nonattachment from views. It means
avoiding being narrow-minded and bound by present views. It allows openness
to others’ insights and experiences, awareness that knowledge is not
changeless or absolute, recognition that truth will be discovered by
observing life within and around you in every moment, and understanding that
learning takes place throughout your life.
The fourth mindfulness training is awareness of suffering. It means
committing yourself to finding ways, including personal contact, images, and
sounds, to be with those who suffer, in order to understand their situation
deeply and help them transform their suffering into compassion, peace, and
joy.
The fifth mindfulness training is simple, healthy living. You commit
yourself to sharing your time, energy, and material resources with those in
need. It means, as well, not using alcohol, drugs, or any other products
that bring toxins into your body.
The sixth mindfulness training is dealing with anger. When anger comes up,
you must breathe, walk, and acknowledge, embrace, and look deeply into it,
and because it blocks communication and creates suffering, you must take
care of the energy of anger when it arises.
The seventh mindfulness training is dwelling happily in the present moment.
It means living deeply each moment of daily life — forgetting regrets of the
past, worries about the future, cravings, anger, or jealousy — by nourishing
joy, peace, love, and understanding in yourself.
The eighth mindfulness training is community and communication. It means
practicing compassionate listening and loving speech by listening deeply
without judgment and avoiding uttering words that create discord.
The ninth mindfulness training is truthful and loving speech. It means using
only words that inspire hope and confidence, avoiding saying untruthful
things, or uttering words that might cause division or hatred.
The tenth mindfulness training is practicing understanding and compassion.
It means taking a clear stand against oppression and injustice.
The eleventh mindfulness training is right livelihood. This means selecting
a livelihood that helps society realize its ideal of understanding and
compassion. It means behaving responsibly as consumers and citizens.
The twelfth mindfulness training is reverence for life. It means cultivating
nonviolence, promoting peace education, and reconciliation within families,
communities, nations, and the world.
The thirteenth mindfulness training is generosity. It means cultivating
loving kindness, learning ways to work for the well-being of people,
animals, plants, and minerals, and practicing generosity by sharing your
time, energy, and material resources with those in need.
The fourteenth and final mindfulness training is right conduct. It means
preserving your happiness and that of others by respecting the rights and
commitments of yourself and others.
Imagine, for a moment, what your life would be like if it was characterized
by each of these mindfulness training insights? Imagine the objectivity —
impartial watchfulness — that could be achieved in your perceptions when bad
mental states and unpleasantness is removed? If mindfulness registers
experiences, without comparison, labels, or categories, imagine the insights
and understandings that can come from the direct and immediate experiencing
of whatever is happening? If mindfulness is a way of seeing things as they
really are and seeing the deep nature of all phenomena — or seeing things as
they really are And Then Some — working to achieve the mindfulness training
insights becomes a meaningful and worthwhile goal.
back to page top
> Mindfulness is a way of seeing things as they
really are And Then Some
> Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps
> Secure your foundation: Forget resolutions
> Self-discipline can change your life in any way
you want it to
Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps
by Richard L. Weaver II, PhD
When I first heard this phrase I
doubted that one could actually help themselves with little or no outside
assistance or influence. That is, I doubted that people could improve their
situation by their own efforts. Oh, I knew that the idea of “pulling
yourself up by your own bootstraps” had early American origins when people
who had fallen down would literally grab a hold of their bootstraps—when the
laces were made of leather—and use them to sit upright. I was aware that you
could get out of difficult situations by your own efforts, but my doubts
extended to any feats much greater than that. I was truly a skeptic.
Exactly when the realization occurred to me that indeed each of us has far
greater control—power—over our lives than what we believe or imagine is
unclear, but it happened while I was in college.
Until I went to college I followed the programming dictated by my genes and
by my environment. I was truly unaware of the control—power—I had. I was
like an animal that was locked in a cycle of instinct. When animals are
hungry, they eat. When they hear a loud noise, they run. When they are
attacked, they fight. When they come into season, they mate. Animals live
the way their genes and their environment have programmed them to live. They
lack the control—power—that humans have.
But to recognize the control—power—we have requires both awareness and
experience. For me, it happened when I realized that I had
control—power—over my destiny. If I took the right courses, made the right
choices, and performed at my best, I could take advantage of the
control—power—I had over my life. What an incredible realization!
It was as if I had to transcend my programming. It wasn’t that my parents or
my teachers were giving me bad advice or the wrong advice, it was as
if—suddenly—I was in charge of my own programming. I realized that what I
did and did not do had very significant results which would directly affect
my life. I now—suddenly—had the control. It wasn’t that the power was given
to me; it was there all the time. It was simply that I not only became aware
of it, but I realized I could use it to make decisions, solve problems, and
choose how I wanted to respond to the things in my world. Suddenly, I was
programming myself.
This realization changed my life. This realization determined my fate. This
realization directed the courses I was to take and the profession I was to
choose. How did this happen?
Until college, I had allowed my life to serve the ends that had been handed
down to me. From kindergarten through two years of college, I was trying to
make my parents happy. I knew that becoming a medical doctor would do it,
and I had rationalized this lifetime outcome and accepted it as my own. But
when I realized the control—power—I had (could wield), I realized at the
same time that I could break the chain of events that had shaped who I was,
and I could learn to shape myself. It was just the power I needed to
participate in my own fate!
The difference between being asleep and being awake is the same difference
between having a dream and making that dream come true.
The reason I wish I knew exactly when that moment occurred is because that
was the very moment I understood that my life was going to be whatever I
chose to make it. It was an astonishing new world for me. What is it that
happens to you when you suddenly realize that you are in charge? What
changes occur in your psyche when you realize that you are the master,
leader, ruler, manager, supervisor, or commander, and the people in your
charge must do exactly as you dictate? It’s a real “head-trip” isn’t it?
It’s like a power surge with all the corresponding electrical sparks sending
out shock waves in all directions.
Suddenly I became aware of the limitless possibilities that surrounded me.
All at once I felt both a sense of humility and power. I felt humility
because I realized that life is a gift—in humble, meek, and submissive
honesty, I realized that I didn’t ask for life. It was simply given to me.
But, too, I can’t deny it; thus, I accept the gift of human life with
acknowledgment, appreciation, gratitude, and thanks. Animals weren’t so
lucky; I was. And animals weren’t given the most potent gift of all—the
power to choose. They don’t have the same control or power that I have.
That lightning bolt did not just wake me up, it thrust me out of bed and
onto a life course of growth, development, and change like nothing I had
previously experienced. As a child, I was, by nature, dependent. Often, for
many people, that dependency continues into adulthood, and it could have for
me as well—relying on others, or on circumstances, to give me what I wanted,
instead of taking that responsibility upon myself.
When I woke up to the power of choice, I not only became aware of my own
strength, I became forever independent. I realized that I could give myself
what I wanted, and I was no longer content to rely on others to get it for
me. I realized what I could give myself, and I was no longer willing to
accept only what the world felt like giving me. In this way, I could now
refuse to settle for less. What control—power—I had!
How important was this realization for me? It was like I had suddenly come
to my senses. I now saw things more clearly than ever before. My limitations
were no longer limitations. I saw them for what they really were—bad dreams.
When viewed in this way, bad dreams quickly lost their power over me in the
same way nightmares lose their edge the moment I wake up.
When the realization of my control, power, and choice over my life occurred,
I felt a great sense of freedom and possibility. It was as if there was a
freeing of the spirit, a release of my creative juices, a liberation of my
inner being. I found myself free to imagine more useful thoughts, to dream
more pleasant dreams, and to turn those dreams into reality—to pull myself
up by my own bootstraps!
back to page top
> Mindfulness is a way of seeing things as they
really are And Then Some
> Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps
> Secure your foundation: Forget resolutions
> Self-discipline can change your life in any way
you want it to
Secure your foundation: Forget resolutions
by Richard L. Weaver II, PhD
Resolutions don’t
work! There are many reasons. There’s a great
ezine article on “Why New Year’s Resolutions Don’t
Work,” by David Henning. They’re made to stop or lose something; they
reflect a lack of planning; they describe a result without referencing
behavior; there is no date for completion; there is no consequence for
failure; they are made at the last minute; they are vague and too big; they
have little support to carry them out; they are not written down; there is
no commitment behind them; they offer no flexibility; they push toward
perfection; and they often require miracles. Because resolutions don’t work,
all they are are empty promises to yourself. So, what’s the answer: no
resolutions, then what?
The answer is to get your house in order: secure your foundation. But, this
is easier said than done. But isn’t everything? If resolutions are not the
route to growth, development, and change, then how do you secure your
foundation? Ten steps that begin with a single kernel: believe in yourself;
you can do it, but you need to start here, and you need to start now.
First, get your finances in order. “Recession-Proof Your Finances, by
Erin Huffstetler, at
About.com is a worthwhile essay. Create a budget that
covers housing, food, and transportation. After these basics, list your
other expenses. Take out your bills and credit-card statements and find out
where your money goes and what changes need to be made. Organize your
resources. Tough economic times require tough decision making.
Third, build friendships and other support groups (e.g., clubs,
organizations, churches, temples, synagogues, business associations, and
other groups). At “How
to Have More Social Success,” the essay entitled,
“How to Make Friends And Get a Social Life,” is especially informative.
These friendships and associations are often those people who offer us
sounding boards, viewpoints, alternatives, and judgments that assist. They
provide people who are there in times of trouble.
Fourth, continue your education. At
ehow, there is an essay by the ehow education editor
entitled, “How to Continue Education,” that offers some specific
suggestions. Never stop learning. Keep informed by reading, listening, and
asking questions. Advancing your knowledge and understanding adds strength
to your foundation and helps you build credibility. Your integrity depends
on whether others can trust you, rely on your judgment, and have faith in
your dependability.
Fifth, establish strong family ties.
Coach Kathy, in an essay, “Establish strong family
ties,” has written a brief essay that discusses marriages that suffer
“because of strained relationships with relatives and in-laws.” By bridging
any gaps and voids developed through history, you build connections and
re-establish important relationships, interdependence, bonds, and
associations that buttress the foundation. These are attachments and tie-ins
that will make certain the substructure and underpinning of your foundation
are rooted in sturdy bedrock.
Sixth, don’t forget your health. At the
Federal Citizen Information Center website, there is
a terrific essay on “What you can do to stay healthy.” When you eat right,
exercise, and get enough sleep, you can be more certain that you are making
better decisions, facing the world in a more vigorous manner, and
confronting problems and difficulties in a robust way with all your
faculties operating at their peak capacity. Listen to your body, and give it
what it needs.
Seventh, find causes to believe in and support. When you fight for issues
that are bigger than you are, and you put your time and effort behind other
causes than self-promotion, it prompts you to look beyond immediate
concerns, promotes a vision that supercedes egocentrism, and results in more
universal (broader) concerns and interests. Causes will help you stay
connected with the outside world and help you avoid isolation.
Eighth, build habits of optimism, encouragement, and a positive outlook.
Read about “The benefits of optimism” in the excellent and well-written
essay by
Elizabeth Scott. It is easy to look at the world’s
problems and become depressed. If you are not a hopeful, cheerful, and
buoyant person then find people who are and connect with them, associate
with them, form friendships with them, and benefit from them. Teach your
mind to think in positive terms.
Ninth, volunteer. Some of “the benefits of volunteering” are discussed at
essortment. You learn about yourself when you give
yourself to others. Also, you may learn a new skill, become part of your
community, get motivated and develop a sense of achievement, boost your
career options, develop new interests and hobbies, provide new experiences,
meet a diverse range of people, and give others real examples of your
commitment, dedication and interests. Just from this list alone, think how
much potential there is for you in volunteering.
Tenth, keep realistic. At
Qurve, there is an excellent essay, “Achieve Your
Goals by Setting Realistic Ones,” that will help you clarify your long-term
and short-term goals. There are a number of ways to maintain balance and
realism in your life. One thing you don’t want to do is build a squishy base
that will not last nor support a substantive structure above it. First,
fight negative and unrealistic thinking. Your attitude is likely to be your
biggest barrier to taking care of yourself and taking charge of your life.
Pace yourself; this is a marathon, not a sprint.
An
e-zine article, “How to be secure in an insecure
world,” begins by saying, “Most of us believe that our happiness and
security are dependent upon our relationships, work, income and the external
events that take place in our lives. When things are going well there is a
sense of well-being and safety. We sleep well at night, wake up feeling
refreshed and have the sense that the world can be managed — that we are in
control. However, this kind of security is fleeting. As people and events
are constantly changing, we are often edgy about what's coming down the
road.” This is true, but, if your foundation is strong, you will be
vigilant, prepared, and resilient. It takes time to build a solid
foundation, but it’s worth the effort in the strength it provides.
Don’t get overwhelmed. Always remain in the present — one day at a time.
Tomorrow will be here soon enough. You can plan for the future, but you
can’t worry it into submission.
Once the foundation is established and is strong, then you can stretch out,
dare to dream, go against the flow, and make your dreams come true. You have
established a foundation that now lets you go beyond your current
boundaries, exceed your expectations, and excel, shine, be the best and then
some.
back to page top
> Mindfulness is a way of seeing things as they
really are And Then Some
> Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps
> Secure your foundation: Forget resolutions
> Self-discipline can change your life in any way
you want it to
Self-discipline can change your life in any way you want it to
by Richard L. Weaver II, PhD
During my early years, I heard from my parents about the Puritan work
ethic, but every time I heard the phrase it was connected with working hard.
Never did I know that it was a biblically based teaching on the necessity of
hard work, perfection, and the goodness of labor.
Only when I was in college and pursued research on New England preachers,
did I realize that it was protestant preachers who preached on the goodness
and the necessity of labor for its effect on humans, of course, but more
broadly, for its effect on Christian society.
Although the term was coined by Max Weber, the phrase “Puritan work ethic”
was part of 1800s American culture, and it was seen by some Americans as one
of the cornerstones of national prosperity. The Puritans may have personally
defined it by saying, “I am to be honest, hard working, reliable, sober,
mindful of the future, appropriate in my relationships, successful, and
thereby give glory to God,” but, I am certain my parents used it strictly as
a motivational tool: “You’ve got to work hard son, if you want to make
anything of your life.”
Perhaps it was the philosophy or maybe it was just good genes, but I was
never one to shy away from hard work. I have always thought of
self-discipline as the ability to get yourself to take action regardless of
your emotional state, and I have come to use the words “self-discipline” in
place of the Puritan work ethic, because I want to be in control of my life.
In my mind, it is exactly as William Feather said: “If we don’t discipline
ourselves, the world will do it for us.” Self-discipline puts the control in
our own hands.
Now we know that self-discipline can be a stronger predictor of success than
IQ (Psychological Science, Vol. 16:12 (December 2005), p. 939).
Just as I was told that the Puritan work ethic was a vital characteristic of
successful people, I make the same claim for self-discipline. To face the
challenges and problems along the path to success and achievement, you have
to persevere and be strong. It is self-discipline that helps you control
your actions and stay on track.
It doesn’t take much reading or observation to acknowledge lack of
self-discipline. Problems such as being overweight, procrastinating, debt,
poor relationships, excessive stress, poor work performance, laziness,
smoking, drinking, lack of exercise, negative habits, poor appearance, and
many others can be traced to our tendency to justify our words, actions, and
behaviors. Self-discipline along with passion and planning can wipe out
these problems. Within the domain of problems it can solve, it is unmatched.
Although the problems we face and the methods we use to deal with them will
vary, the underlying solution remains the same.
Self-discipline affects your confidence, because being in control will boost
your confidence and esteem. It affects how you see yourself, because your
self image will be better when you know you can succeed and change. It
affects your ability to see projects through, allows you to stay focused,
and it can change your life in any way you want it to.
Self-discipline is like a muscle. The more you train it, the stronger you
become; the less you train it, the weaker you become. Just as most people
have weak muscles compared with how strong they could become with training,
most people are weak in their level of self-discipline.
There is an old story about a man who went to a tattooist because he had
always wanted a tattoo of a lion on his back. The tattooist started to
sketch the tail into the man’s torso: “Ouch! What are you doing?” asked the
man. “I’m doing the lion’s tail” replied the tattooist. “Well then for
goodness sake let’s have a lion without a tail!” said the man, wincing in
pain.
back to page top
> Mindfulness is a way of seeing things as they
really are And Then Some
> Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps
> Secure your foundation: Forget resolutions
> Self-discipline can change your life in any way
you want it to
